Max Roach

Unfortunately, I'm not talking about the famed Jazz drummer, but about a humongous cockroach, lying on her back in my kitchen floor, a la Gregor Samsa, upon my return from Mexico. I greeted her with a piercing scream.
Why are these creatures so big, so vile and so ugly? The roach appeared very dead, but then it started moving and squirming. How did she get on her back, I have no idea. I also had no idea about how I was going to get rid of her, as I was paralyzed with disgust. I sprayed her with a pretty generous dose of anti-roach poison, which I breathed in as well. She contorted, agonized briefly and died. I threw a paper towel on her in lieu of Christian burial, then sprayed some more poison over that, and then scooped the whole thing with a scooper and threw her down the chute.
Roaches disturb me greatly. I'm very upset.